These are all Christmassy words. So is “fuel”, but only when pronounced with two syllables and a stress on the second, accented over the E as though it were French. As in:
“… gath’ring winter fuu-uuuuuu-él.”
Because it is soon Christmas (and because I want some more room on the bookcase above my printer where about half of the copies of MFAOR are yet lined up, patiently waiting a buyer or distributor) I have decided to hold a bountiful Christmas sale.
For the rest of December (indeed, for the rest of 2013, as December is its last month) you can get Has Doubts Volume One: “Mistaken for art or rubbish”, a book lavished with praise by everyone except the only guy who’s reviewed it so far, for the bargainous just-breaking-even price of £5 (plus P&P).
If you’ve already bought a copy of the book, or already own a copy I gave you, or that somebody else bought you, I won’t even charge P&P.
I’ve also made the possibly foolish but more likely inconsequential decision to extend the series of illustrations indefinitely, offering beautiful hand-drawn pictures (LINK: scroll down) for just £20 plus P&P.
These are fantastic value and will be worth loads more one day. Those are just facts. You can’t argue with them. So don’t even try.
If you’d like to buy somebody the book (and/or a picture) as a gift I might even be persuaded to wrap it for you, although to be honest I’m pretty rubbish at wrapping. So you might want to think twice about whether this is really a good idea. I guess it’s only a good idea if you are buying it as a gift but haven’t bought it in time.
Books generally ship (or, erm, van) within two days of purchase. (Pictures will take at least a week, so if you want one for Christmas, book early.) Usually signed, numbered, sprinkled in fairy dust. Let me know if you have any special requirements. But only if they relate to your purchase of my book. If you haven’t read the book and are yet to be persuaded of its greatness, here are some things some people have said about its contents:
Praise for MFAOR
“You should get famous for this.” – Damien Hirst, Slovenian artist.
“Bar: raised, take note poets.” – Simon Indelicate, musician.
“Very funny, courageous and sad at the same time.” – Samantha Keeble, costumier.
“Velky is a marvellous poet … I loved it.” – Jeremy Deacon, composer.
“Read, understood and valued … also enjoyed. I hope things progress for you and your poetry books do not follow the way of your art that has been left outside to be picked up by the dustbin men.” – Bill Drummond. (Actually Bill Drummond.)
Condemnation for MFAOR
“Disappointingly traditional and pedestrian.” – Simon Turner, poet/critic.
“Pretentious hipster scum.” – Whatwerkz, YouTube commenter.
But don’t listen to those losers (erm, the last two, do listen to the others probably) see for yourself! The first 22 of the 33 poems in MFAOR are now available as FREE YouTube videos:
Well, what are you waiting for? Buy, buy buy!!!
Kindly, generously, benevolently,